Welcome back my dear connoisseurs Aproko people of irony and public spectacle, to the latest episode of The Coastal Highway Chronicles! We’ve journeyed through the 4.3% commissioned marvel that closed faster than a poorly-planned picnic in Edition 1, witnessed the disappearing act of multi-million dollar businesses that were apparently just “shanties” in Edition 2, and observed the refreshing transparency of a project with no approved EIA and a Minister who advises critics to find another road in Edition 3. Today, we arrive at the pièce de résistance: the distinguished attendance at the aforementioned commissioning.
Yes, when President Bola Ahmed Tinubu graced the partial unveiling of this monumental (in concept, if not in execution) highway, he was not alone. Flanking him, adding gravitas and intellectual sparkle to an event already brimming with… potential, were two figures of immense public standing: Mr. Tony Elumelu, Chairman of UBA Group, and Professor Wole Soyinka, a Nobel Laureate.
Let’s begin with Mr. Elumelu. Here is a man whose name is synonymous with corporate excellence. His business empire thrives on transparency, accountability, and meticulously meeting Key Performance Indicators (KPIs). His financial institutions are built on trust, diligent audits, and, one presumes, actually completing projects before declaring them finished. So, one can only imagine the fascinating internal calculus that led him to lend his esteemed presence to the commissioning of a 4.3% complete road. Perhaps it was a masterclass in aspirational leadership, celebrating what will be, rather than what is. Or maybe, just maybe, it was an advanced lesson in supporting “national development” regardless of the pesky details of “due process” or “actual completion.” A truly novel approach to banking on success!
And then, there’s Professor Wole Soyinka. Ah, the very embodiment of Nigeria’s conscience, the fearless critic of corruption, the towering intellectual who famously lambasted the inadequacies of previous administrations, including the Goodluck Jonathan era. This is the man who has eloquently railed against impunity, opacity, and the general erosion of public trust. His voice has been a beacon against the murky waters of Nigerian politics. So, when Professor Soyinka stood shoulder-to-shoulder with officials commissioning a highway project beset by allegations of vague execution, lack of transparency, questionable environmental practices, and unresolved compensation disputes, it truly warmed the heart.
It sent a powerful message: perhaps the criteria for “corruption” have evolved? Or maybe, just maybe, the sheer dazzle of a partial coastal road outshines any past critical stances. One might cynically suggest that this “rubbing off” involves a slight dulling of one’s own shine when endorsing an undertaking of such… early-stage completion and ambiguous process. It’s a testament to the magnetic pull of power, or perhaps, the sheer audacity of hope against overwhelming evidence.
The presence of these two giants at the commissioning of a project that was almost immediately closed for further work certainly adds a unique layer to the saga. It begs the question: in Nigeria, are public figures now commissioned to endorse intentions rather than achievements? Are we celebrating the groundbreaking, the groundbreaking that started without the ground being surveyed, the ground that later got partially demolished?
As the Lagos-Calabar Coastal Highway slowly, or perhaps, sporadically winds its way to full completion by 2031 (or whenever the spirits of progress deem fit), these chronicles will serve as a reminder of how grand visions are born, how minor details like “compensation” and “environmental impact” are managed, and how esteemed figures lend their names to the unfolding spectacle.
Until the next groundbreaking, or perhaps, re-commissioning, stay vigilant, dear people of AprokoNation. And whatever you do, don’t forget to check if the road you’re driving on is actually open. It’s all part of the grand Nigerian experience!