Sit with me for a moment. Let an elder, one who has loved across continents and witnessed the dance of partnership from the villages of our ancestors in Okiti-pupa to the skyscrapers of the West, share what my eyes have seen and my heart has learned.
I have walked the path you are on. I have known the thrill of new love and the comfort of a long-standing marriage. And I have traveled, from North America to Europe, from bustling modern cities to quiet, traditional towns. I have sat with couples whose love has lasted decades and with women whose hearts are heavy from the loneliness of a crowded room.
And from this view, with one foot in the world of our mothers and one in the world of today, I see a storm gathering on the horizon for many of you. I say this not to frighten you, but to prepare you.
Look to the West, to the countless women over 35 in America and Canada who are now freezing their eggs, their bodies becoming biological vaults against the ticking of a lonely clock. The world tells you this is empowerment, a proactive choice. But speak to them for just three minutes, and the deeper truth often emerges. It is a choice born of fear, the fear of not finding a partner to build a life with. And sadly, in those same three minutes, you can often sense why the men they meet struggle to stay.
There is a hardness there, a score-keeping, a constant, exhausting negotiation of a partnership that was meant to be a refuge. They have been taught to be independent to the point of isolation, and strong to the point of rigidity. And now, I see many of our own young Nigerian women, educated, ambitious, and globally connected, marching confidently down the very same path. In the next three to five years, many of you will find yourselves in that exact place, professionally accomplished, biologically anxious, and wondering where the good men have gone.
You will not understand the full weight of this until you are in a professional environment, as I have been, and hear the quiet gossip. "See Mrs. X, she's always so difficult", they'll whisper. Or, "Ah, you know Ms. Y, that's why she's still single". Harsh? Yes. But it speaks to a truth that resonates across cultures: character echoes. Your reputation, the energy you put into the world, it precedes you. A man may be initially dazzled by your degree, your car, your sharp tongue, but he will stay for your character.
Please, do not misunderstand me. This is not about becoming a doormat or silencing your voice. This is about wisdom. This is about understanding the assignment.
You see, the truth that the modern world tries to erase is this: *Na una need this marriage thing pass. No be men.* Marriage, a stable family, a committed partner for life's journey, this is a shelter women need more acutely. It provides a space for you to be vulnerable, to nurture and be nurtured, to pour your gifts into a lasting legacy. A man can, and often does, find a way to exist on his own. For a woman who desires a family, the stakes, the biological and emotional realities, are simply different. Knowing this isn't surrender; it's strategy. It’s wisdom.
So, what is the shield against this coming storm? It is not found in a fertility clinic. It is found in the timeless lessons of your mother and her mother before her.
- **Be Loyal.** Not blind, but loyal. Let your partner know you are his safe harbor, his home base, his most unwavering advocate in a world that will often try to tear him down.
- **Be Practical.** Marriage is not a fairy tale. It is a partnership of two flawed humans managing a household, finances, and children. Bring solutions, not just problems. Be a partner in the business of life.
- **Be Kind.** Your words can be a warm embrace or a cold blade. Choose them with care. A soft answer turns away wrath. A man will walk through fire for a woman whose kindness is his peace.
- **Be Respectful.** This is the soil in which a man's love grows deepest. Respect his thoughts, his efforts, his position as the head of your home. Even when you disagree, do it with respect. A disrespected man will eventually wither or flee.
- **And overall, Be Considerate.** See the world from his eyes. Understand his burdens. Before you make a demand, consider the weight he already carries. This single quality, consideration, is the glue that holds everything else together. Be a woman who is easy to love, not hard to handle.
Yes, I know. Many of you will say, "But the men are not loyal; they are not considerate". And you are right, some are not. But here is a final truth I have observed: the thing still working for many of our women, the invisible safety net, is the tribalistic and nationalistic nature of many of our men. Despite the influence of the world, a deep, cultural pull remains. He will often choose his own, the woman who understands the same proverbs, laughs at the same jokes, and can make the soup his mother made. He will stay because of a connection that goes beyond the superficial.
But do not rely on this alone. Do not let his cultural loyalty be your only anchor. It will fray if your own character cannot hold the rope.
I am telling you this because I love you. Because I have seen the path ahead, and it is littered with the loneliness of women who were told that having it all meant doing it all alone.
Learn from your mothers. We were not perfect, but we understood the assignment. We understood that building a home requires patience, sacrifice, and a heart that is both strong and soft.
I just hope, my daughters, that some of you will hear this. That you will pause and look beyond the headlines and the hashtags. That you will understand what the world is about to hit you with, and choose a different, wiser path. The path that leads not to a freezer in a clinic, but to a home filled with laughter, a partner who adores you, and a family that will be your greatest legacy.