I’ve been married for 25 years.
My husband and I never lived together under the same roof all these years.
I lived in the South East and worked there before marriage.
After marriage, I offered to resign from my job and join him in Lagos but he rejected the idea.
He said our family needed more financial support from my job.
My Mother and Mother-in-law advised me not to resign from my job and I believe they saw the future.
I also never visited him in Lagos where he resided and worked.
The only time I attempted to visit him in Lagos led to a rift between us.
He threatened to end the marriage and our families had to get involved to resolve the misunderstanding.
He only visited when he liked and that was when it was time for another baby.
We have 4 children together.
Now 25 years later my husband has retired from his job and has moved back to the South East.
The problem is that we live like strangers.
I don’t know him and we have no relationship.
We just spent about 1 week together during each of his visits.
He could be gone for over a year without visiting.
The major issue is that I feel a deep sense of resentment for him.
He returned expecting everything to be all lovey-dovey but he is unrealistic.
We never had any conversations, our relationship was so official.
I never enjoyed the marriage which is the main reason for my resentment.
I got married majorly for companionship but I found myself alone like a single woman for 25 years.
If only I knew this was what he had to offer I never would have married him.
Not only did I not have companionship, I hustled like a single mother for 25 years.
My husband never provided any financial support.
At the beginning he kept playing me around each time I asked for money.
After a while he couldn’t play around anymore he told me how he didn’t live in the apartment so why should he pay for it?
He said the same thing about food and other needs.
I couldn’t believe it.
After a heated showdown, his Mother and my Mother had a heart-to-heart talk with me, telling me to take care of my needs as I could.
I also had to cater to our children’s needs after he kept dragging his feet.
I felt like I married myself.
I had a husband yet I was hustling like I was a single Mother.
I felt so much resentment towards him.
After the birth of our fourth child, I stopped communicating with him.
He never communicated, we only talked once I called him.
Funny enough he was fine with us not communicating.
That showed me the state of our marriage.
Our oldest child is 24 and out of the house. The other children are 22, 20, and 18. They are all adults, two are graduates from the university.
The other 2 are undergraduates and out of the house.
So it’s just the two of us.
Now he is making small talk trying to communicate with me like we are a loving couple.
No love ever existed between us.
Our families have asked me to forgive like everyone else.
It’s always so easy to dish out advice once it’s not you.
The truth is that there is no way I can relate to him as a loving husband.
Now he is staying in the very apartment he refused to pay for.
He complains that I don’t talk to him and sometimes I don’t come home.
What does he expect?
His presence offends me and sometimes I stop by my friend who is a widow.
She lives alone and I have spent some nights with her since our youngest child left home.
We could both do with some company.
He is accusing me of seeing another man.
Did I know what he did in Lagos for 25 years?
It’s just irritating how he expects us to carry on like nothing happened and all is well.
I don’t know how to get out of this situation.
I’m thinking about getting another apartment and moving out.
My greatest regret is marrying this man.
This is not the life I wanted.
I had to work overtime to ensure that I didn’t dislike our children.
I’m losing my mind with the way he keeps acting like it’s business as usual.
Expecting me to cater to him like we made all them.
Aproko people, it’s a copied story o.
So, if it were you, what would you do?
